Instead of going to bed like I said I was going to, (sorry Alaina) I decided to write a new blog....
So, for those of you who read my last one, thank you.
Also, a special friend to my friend Hannah for reading nearly all of my old work. That was probably not fun, and she probably did it as a form of procrastination in order not to do something else, but nonetheless, I appreciate the support. I have activated the feature on this particular account so that anyone, and yes I mean anyone, who would like to leave a comment may do so without having to have an account. That means DO IT.
So anyway, life is getting fairly stressful around here at CU. Finals week is looming ahead of us, and I'm getting sort of scared. Right now I'm working on a big portfolio of all my creative writing and a big project for my stage tech class...Both are going really well at the moment and I'm pleased about that.
I'm really looking forward to being home for the holidays. I'm going back to work at the good ol' City Market, so I'm sure you'll be seeing some more work related posts here soon.
In other news, I have noticed an alarming trend in overall Facebook usage lately. All of my friends, especially the girl ones tend to be consumed by it on some level. I really wonder about it...but whatever. Do what you like.
So I wrote a short one-act play for my creative writing class...
Check it out if you like:
The Three Little Pigs
A Contemporary Version
A Contemporary Version
Characters:
Deuce Pigalow (Pig 1)
Tyrone Piggums (Pig 2)
Hammible Lecter (Pig 3)
Bruce Wolf
Mary The Little Horse
Setting: Set in the outskirts of Boulder Colorado in a brothel, a crack den, and one seemingly normal residence.
Note: Anything in italics can either be read as a narration, or as stage direction, or both, it just depends on the situation.
Scene 1: The Brothel
Bruce Wolf is seen walking in a dark somewhat wooded area toward an old Victorian style house. Only the lights in the upper windows are lit. Bruce talks only to the audience during his walk.
Bruce Wolf: (to audience, reflective as he walks) You know, I wasn’t always like this. This big, mean, bad, hairy wolf. I used to be a pup just like you kids. I used to be sweet and kind. (pauses before yelling) Until the day that that despicable Hammible Lecter ate my family! (pauses before chuckling) Now I’ve tracked that dirty pig down and I’m going to take what’s dearest to him: his brothers.
Bruce Wolf approaches the house, the residence of Deuce Pigalow, and knocks on the door. After a pause, a small horse comes to the door.
Mary The Little Horse: (in a small squeaky voice) Um, hello? What can I help you with? Are you here to see one of the girls?
Bruce: No ma’am. I’m here to see Deuce. Is he in?
Mary: Oh no, I’m afraid Mr. Pigalow is out for a while.
Bruce: Yeah, right. Can I just come in for a minute?
Mary: If you’re not a paying customer, I’m afraid not.
At this, Bruce clamps his large jaws down hard over Mary’s neck and lets her fall to the floor. He then enters the brothel.
Bruce: Hello? Hey! Deuce! Where you at? (stops and listens to some loud moaning and the creaking of furniture upstairs) Hey! Why don’t you come out and say hi Deuce?
Suddenly, Deuce Pigalow steps into the doorway leading to the stairwell. He is holding an Uzi.
Bruce: (growling) You know what I want!
Bruce lunges forward in an attempt to catch and subsequently maim and kill Deuce Pigalow, but the little pig is cunningly quick and dodges out of the way. Bruce falls on his face and hears little hooves running away across the old wood floor. As Bruce rises off the floor a muffled “shit” is heard.
Bruce: (again narrating/talking to himself) Damn it! (he looks around the corner) Fuckin’ pig. I’ll burn his fuckin’ house down.
As it turns out, Bruce is serious about this threat, and he starts pouring gasoline all over the kitchen. As he exits, he drops a lit zippo onto the giant pool of gas.
Scene 2: Crack Den
We now see our vigilante hero walking away from a burning brothel filled with screaming whores and their no longer satisfied customers. He is following a set of hoof prints through the trees towards a brightly lit city.
Bruce: (narrating) Damn that fire was toasty. Well now I gotta find that stupid pig. Hopefully he’s just runnin to his little crack head brothers house. Last time I saw him, the little fucker was higher than a kite. (pause) Hhhmmm…
Bruce walks into town. He peers at a sign that says “Broadway” one way and “20th st.” to the other. He glances to his right and sees a graveyard. The hunt continues into the city.
Bruce: Well shit, this little pig ran pretty fast. We’ve covered a good mile or two now…shit.
Soon the tracks lead Bruce to a door. He knocks. The gruff voice of Tyrone Piggums answers him.
Tyrone Piggums: What?
Bruce knocks again without saying a word.
Tyrone: What? Who is it?
Once again Bruce knocks.
Bruce knocks once more. Finally, after a dead bolt is unlatched and two slides open Tyrone Piggums appears at the door looking like he’d just ate an entire box of Hostess Powdered Donuts.
Tyrone: (before realizing who he was addressing) I SAID WHAT!!! (The pig’s eyes widen) Oh shit…
Bruce: What’s up Tyrone?
Tyrone: (nervously) Um, not much Bruce? What brings you to this side of town?
Bruce: Your brother Deuce…Where’s he at?
Tyrone: Oh I ain’t seen him in months, um, if I do I’ll tell you were looking…
Bruce: I don’t think that’ll be necessary.
Bruce bursts into the house, shoving the pigs face into the wall and looks around. As he wanders the premise he finds a few strung out turtles and a fucked up rabbit running laps around the living room. At the back of the house as he turns the corner towards a bathroom-gone-meth-lab, he stumbles upon Deuce Pigalow.
Bruce: (sinister) There you are you my little slab of bacon…
Deuce: Awww shit!
Before Bruce could even move, Deuce was on his way out a window squealing.
Bruce: (to himself as he turns around) Yeah, we’ll see about that.
Bruce then walks into the bathroom and lights the contents of the meth lab on fire. As he walks back into the front room, he finds that Tyrone has also left the house. A thin powdery white trail is all that is left.
As expected Bruce follows the obvious line of crack winding its way across the city. After having to ward of a number of drug dealers and other lowlifes Bruce comes to a very large house in the hills surrounding the city.
Bruce: (chuckling) This is it. I finally have them all cornered at once…(maniacal laughter)
Trying for the element of surprise, because that’s how wolves are, Bruce rings the doorbell. Shortly, Hammible himself answers the door.
Hammible Lecter: Well now what can I do for you wolf?
Bruce: (obviously flabbergasted, and on the edge of irritation) Do you know who I am?
Hammible: Certainly Bruce. I’ve been expecting you for years. Won’t you come in?
Bruce: (a bit taken back, and uncertain) Um, well, sure I guess….
Both characters turn and walk down a large hall into the main foyer. There is a dish of candy and a large flower arrangement on the hall table. Bruce wonders how such an evil pig could have such nice taste.
Hammible: Would you like to join me for dinner? There is more than enough.
Bruce: (uncertain, but seeing an obvious opportunity for revenge) Well…um, well. Yes, actually I would like that very much.
Hammible: I must go wash up then. Someone will show you to my study. I’ll meet you for dinner shortly.
Hammible exits.
Bruce: (to himself) Oh my god…I can get all three of them now…I just have to kill that bastard at dinner, and then search this place for the other two…and it’s all over. Oh yes…(chuckles to himself)
A maidservant comes shortly and escorts Bruce to the study, where he sits by the fire and makes his plan.
Hammible and Bruce are seen walking into a full dining room. There is a great feast laid out on the table: a pair of large hams, many kinds of fruit, and a bottle of wine all sit before them.
Hammible: Are you comfortable there wolf?
Bruce: Yeah, quite. (pause) Is... is that ham?
Hammible: Why yes, Bruce. It's actually quite tasty.
Bruce: Alright…Well, how’s your family?
Hammible: (takes a bite of the meal and savors it slowly). Well, I’d say they're pretty good... (maniacal laughter)
Suddenly Bruce feels sick to his stomach. Hammible had not only messed up his entire childhood, but has now totally foiled any plans for revenge.
Bruce: Um, if you’ll excuse me…where is your bathroom?
Hammible: Oh just down the hall to the left there…come back soon…
Bruce commences barfing in the toilet and doesn’t hear the small hooves sneak past in the hall. After he feels better and wipes the sweat from his brow, Bruce returns to a dinner for one.
Scene 5: Hammible’s Escape
We see Hammible on a private jet, midflight. A woman in a blue outfit walks by and says, “Would you like something to drink senior Hammible?” At that moment a small ‘ding’ is heard followed by “we will be beginning our initial descent in a couple of minutes. The air traffic controller has just cleared us for landing and put us in pattern. It is 84 degrees and sunny out, so don’t forgot your sunscreen. Remember, it is always a pleasure to fly you to your destination, but most importantly, don’t drink the water. (chuckle)”
End
Hope you liked it.
And till I make another post,
Bye. Have fun. Don't die.
-Brad
P.S. I don't bite.
